“Since many gay men grew up in places where effeminacy was devalued and masculinity was privileged, it can become almost instinctual to dislike or feel disgusted by displays of effeminacy,” says New York-based sex therapist Zach Rawlings, who also identifies as gay and works with members of the LGBTQ+ community. For example, maybe gay men’s preference for masculinity stems from a general societal devaluing of femininity or internalized homophobia. Also, there are other possible explanations. The evidence for this, though, has been elusive. The basic idea is that the people you feel most different from in childhood become the target of your later sexual attractions, with gender non-conformers tending toward same-sex attractions and gender conformers tending toward opposite-sex attractions. Some psychologists believe gay men’s apparent attraction to masculinity stems from a general tendency for people to eroticize traits that are different from their own-the “ exotic becomes erotic” theory, as it’s known. “Gay men have fetishized straight men to some degree based on seeing them as more masculine,” says Joe Kort, a gay sex and relationship psychotherapist who works primarily with an LGBTQ+ client base. To be clear, there is wide individual variability-but if gay men tend to be attracted to masculinity and straight men as a group are more likely to conform to masculine gender roles, then it’s not hard to see why so many gay men would be searching for porn featuring straight guys. Study after study has found that gay men are less gender-conforming than straight men on average, meaning that they’re less likely to adhere to strict ideas of what boys and men are “supposed” to act like. This helps explain why “Masc4Masc” is such a common term on gay dating and hookup sites. This preference for masculinity is strongest among gay men who identify as masculine.
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Gay men also rate prospective partners who describe themselves as masculine more favorably than those who describe themselves as feminine. For example, gay men tend to be attracted to masculine-looking faces and to other signs of masculinity, such as muscularity. Research into the partner preferences of gay men suggests that, on average, they tend to be drawn to masculinity.